August 25th, 2003
Tucson, Arizona
World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H (since 12/15/02)
Intercontinental Champion: Christian (since 8/10/03)
World Tag Team Champions: La Resistance (since 6/15/03)
WWE Women's Champion: Molly Holly (since 7/28/03)
Goldberg opens the show. He calls out the World Heavyweight Champion Triple H. H comes out accompanied by Randy Orton and Ric Flair who are both in oversized dress shirts.. untucked. Amazing. They stand at the stage and H predicts that Goldberg is gonna challenge him to a match. He’s right. H takes his shirt off and hands his belt to Randy. Extremely nice touch here with Orton holding the title over his shoulder and checking it out, seemingly being mesmerized by it. Considering that we know the future, that was a nice little moment. Anyways, H doesn’t want to accept the challenge. Goldberg says he’s gonna follow him everywhere until he gives him the one on one match he wants. H says he will accept Goldberg’s challenge at Unforgiven as long as it’s a career vs. title match so if Goldberg loses, his career is over. H tells him to think long and hard about it. Goldberg says he’ll think hard, but not long. He accepts and says the only funeral that will be happening is Triple H’s.
Backstage, Trish Stratus is getting ready to head to the ring.
1) Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim
Gail attacks Trish on the ramp during her entrance. She dominates most of this while it lasts, spending most of it on the mat holding Trish in a sleeper. Trish mounts her comeback. She hits a chick kick and then a stratusfaction for the win. This was fine while it lasted.
Match rating - **
After the match, Molly Holly attacks Trish Stratus and has a staredown with Gail Kim.
They show a replay of all the fucked shit Eric Bischoff said about Linda McMahon before his match with Shane last night at SummerSlam.
Back from commercial, Molly Holly has Gail Kim by the throat and asks what side she’s on, essentially. Gail responds “Trish doesn’t stand a chance.”
Back in the arena, Theodore Long and Rodney Mack come out. Long introduces his new client.. THE WORLDS STRONGEST MAN MARK HENRY. Long said now it’s time to start thuggin and buggin…
“Get the white boys out here.”
2) Mark Henry & Rodney Mack (w/ Theodore Long) vs. Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak
Mark Henry kills Mark Jindrak. What a king.
Jerry Lawler: “That was some thuggin and buggin, believe that.”
Jim Ross: “Darn right.”
Backstage, Lance Storm and Goldust are talking. “Mini dust” is latched onto Storm’s leg. Goldust says it’s gonna do Lance good to be in a healthy relationship. Lance walks off and runs into Rosey. Rosey then runs into a random woman backstage who tells him someone is in the ring with a gun.. but she’s talking about a t-shirt gun. Before she can explain that, Rosey storms off to save the day. The Hurricane finds out about this and says “oh sh*t” and runs after him as we go to break. What a bunch of freaks.
Back from break, we see clips of Rosey destroying the guy with the t-shirt gun in the ring. Hurricane comes out and says “Roosevelt.. what have you done?”
Backstage, Terri is interviewing Stone Cold Steve Austin. He talks about being provoked into beating Bischoff’s ass last night and how it was warranted. Eric walks up with a ball cap and a black eye looking like shit. Bischoff says Austin wasn’t provoked and he’s gonna award Jonathan Coachman employee of the month and Austin better not come out & interfere.
3) The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray, D-Von, & Spike Dudley) vs. La Resistance (Rene Dupree, Sylvan Grenier, & Rob Conway)
This began with a pre-match promo from La Resistance doing their usual schtick about fuck America and JR & King saying all kinds of stupid pro-American shit. Whatever. Pyro hits and Spike comes out while Bubba & D-Von jump La Resistance from behind after coming through the crowd and the bell rings. This goes maybe 2 or 3 minutes which was shorter than anticipated. And in just as surprising of a revelation, Rob Conway gets the victory for his team.
Match rating - **
Backstage, Linda McMahon is headed to the ring to issue a statement on Bischoff’s accusations of them having relations.
The Highlight Reel with Chris Jericho is next. Linda McMahon is his guest. He straight up asks if he & Eric did the deed. This brings out Mr. McMahon who says he is the victim in this situation. This brings out Shane McMahon who goes nose to nose with his father and compares him to Kane. In the midst of this, Jericho hits Shane with the mic and then he & Vince bail out. Vince makes Jericho vs. Shane for later tonight.
4) Randy Orton (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Maven (w/ Shawn Michaels)
MAVEN! Shawn Michaels accompanies him to ringside for this blast of a match. First thing tonight to get some time. Good back and forth from the two young guns. Orton wins with a superkick.
Match rating - **1/2
Eric Bischoff comes out after the commercial to present his employee of the month award to Jonathan Coachman for helping him at SummerSlam last night. Coach gives a speech about why he turned and blames JR for his treatment of him when he returned. Coach wants an apology from Jim Ross and from Stone Cold Steve Austin for assaulting him & Eric last night. Christian comes out instead and says he also wants an apology because he’s the Intercontinental Champion and wasn’t even on the SummerSlam card. This brings out Stone Cold finally who talks shit to everyone and makes Christian vs. Jerry Lawler for the IC Title.. NEXT.
5) Christian (c) vs. Jerry Lawler - Intercontinental Championship Match
Coach joins JR on commentary for this and JR tells him “…you got some problems, son.” This is actually good. I totally expected it to be, though. I honestly wish it had gotten a little more time. Good punches and selling. Christian sneaks a win with some assistance from Coachman to retain the title.
Match rating - **1/4
As we head to commercial, we see Shane O Mac heading to the ring. Kane is watching him from a distance.
Jonathan Coachman is backstage now looking like even more of a douchebag. He does an interview with Christian on retaining his title. Stone Cold interrupts and tells Coach that he has to face Jerry Lawler one on one next week!
6) Shane McMahon vs. Chris Jericho
Well.. this certainly turns into a shit show. Kane comes down after a few minutes and wreaks havoc. He & Shane McMahon end up in the parking lot or something. Kane slams Shane into a wall repeatedly and tries to set him on fire. Shane reverses the throw and kicks Kane into the fire. Kane is.. dead I guess? This show is fucking insane lmao. “Burn in hell, you son of a bitch.”
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