September 22nd, 2003
Washington, DC
World Heavyweight Champion: Goldberg (since 9/21/03)
Intercontinental Champion: Christian (since 8/10/03)
World Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz (since 9/21/03)
WWE Women's Champion: Molly Holly (since 7/28/03)
Commentators: Jim Ross & Jerry “The King” Lawler
The broadcast begins with Lillian Garcia pointing out the army service men and women at ringside in attendance.
Jonathan Coachman & Al Snow come out next. They won the right to be the new announce team for Monday Night Raw so they take their seat at the booth and immediately begin being obnoxious.
The new World Heavyweight Champion Goldberg comes out to start the show. Last night he ended Triple H’s reign of terror and he gets a few words out before Stone Cold Steve Austin interrupts. Austin brings some beer out for him and says he’ll drink to the fact that Triple H isn’t the champion anymore. They do a toast and Austin’s music hits. Eric Bischoff’s music hits right after though and the moment is ruined… Bischoff starts going off on a tangent. He says Vince McMahon didn’t create Goldberg, Eric Bischoff created Goldberg. Bischoff fucks around and turns his back to Goldberg and Goldberg gets in HIS STANCE AND FUCKING SPEARS THE SHIT OUT OF ERIC WHEN HE TURNS AROUND. STONE COLD’s FACE OF PURE JOY IS PRICELESS. My god. Coach & Snow are bitching, Goldberg’s music plays him out. Good shit.
During the commercial, Snow & Coach helped Bischoff to the back. In the words of Sickboyrari, these mfs some dick suckers n leeches. Lorddddy mercy.
1) Christian (c) vs. Rob Van Dam - Intercontinental Championship Match
This was fun. They run through stuff and then Christian uses the belt and gets himself disqualified. Christian then goes under the ring and pulls a ladder out and cracks Van Dam with it. Christian sets the ladder up and does some absolutely crackhead maniac bullshit and does a frog splash off the top of the ladder, destroying both him & Van Dam in the process. Good god.
Backstage, officials are checking on Eric Bischoff. Chris Jericho walks up and god damn the abs on this man. Jericho wants a title shot against Goldberg so that he can get revenge for Bischoff. Jericho promises to take care of it and make tonight Goldberg’s first and last title defense.
Back from commercial, Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade are heading to the ring. They get attacked by Triple H, Ric Flair, & Randy Orton. H is infuriated about his title loss last night. He cuts an intense promo and tells Goldberg to keep HIS title warm.
2) Mark Henry (w/ Theodore Long & Rodney Mack) vs. Tommy Dreamer
“This must be the extreme white boy challenge.” -Jonathan Coachman
Dreamer brings his kendo stick and trash can out, but it ain’t doing him no good. The sorry fuck gets jobbed out in the capital city after a few can shots.
Backstage, Jindrak & Cade confront Evolution about attacking them and officials get in between them. Maven shows up to back up Jindrak & Cade. H says they picked the wrong night and if they want some more they better get their gear on and strap up tight. It’s a six man tag later on.
Meanwhile, Trish & Lita <333333 are walking toward the ring while Christian and Chris Jericho watch. They’re both bragging about their respective feats recently. Christian retaining his title tonight and Jericho about getting JR & King booted from commentary. Stone Cold walks up and dumps on them both. Next week, it’s JR vs. Coach with the commentary table rights on the line again PLUS Christian defends the IC Title against Rob Van Dam in a Ladder Match.
3) Molly Holly & Gail Kim vs. Trish Stratus & Lita
This actually got a decent amount of time which was cool. Trish & Lita will never not be the coolest most nostalgic shit. Even Molly & Gail make me feel like I’m back in my childhood room with my big Smackdown vs raw poster from like 2004. But yeah. This is Lita’s first match since returning. Molly & Gail target her neck and cut off the ring. She makes her comeback and hits the twist of fate on Gail for the win. SO FUCKYARULES MAN.
Match rating - **
Backstage, Chris Jericho has the great idea of Eric Bischoff making himself the special guest enforcer for his title match with Goldberg later. Bischoff smiles on the couch as he details this.
Back from commercial, Stacy Keibler is apologizing for accidentally hitting Scott Steiner last week. Oh great, I forgot. Test “owns” Scott and Stacy now. Test yells at Scott to get his bags out of the car and pulls Stacy away. Scott yells “here’s ya bags” and throws them to end the segment, lmao.
We get a live feed of Shane McMahon in the hospital in Harrisburg, PA. He says he will recover and as long as he’s breathing he’s gonna be all up in Kane’s face. All of a sudden, the nurse screams AND BY FUCKING GOD ITS KANE IN THE DAMN HOSPITAL ROOM. He rips the god damn IV out of Shane’s arm and pours blood all over him and shoves him into the door. Kane beats the damn doctor’s up while the nurses scream. This shit looked raw as fuck, honestly. He chokes a blood covered Shane out and slams him against the wall. Shane sells the blue hell out of it as Kane smirks back at him through the door window after saying “get well soon…”
4) The Hurricane & Rosey vs. Rene Dupree & Rob Conway (w/ Sylvan Grenier)
Ain’t nothing happening here, buddy. Hurricane & Rosey get the dub. After the match, The Dudley Boyz came out to confront and staredown Hurricane & Rosey. I guess that’s our next tag title program.
Match rating - *1/4
5) Triple H, Ric Flair, & Randy Orton vs. Maven, Mark Jindrak, & Garrison Cade
I fucking loved this. The rookies charge Evolution from the entrance ramp and have them reeling for like two seconds before Evolution regains control and they isolate Cade and it’s all just good shit. They make Maven, Cade, and I guess Jindrak look great. Just a perfect dynamic here worked to perfection. Some would call this a squash, but to me it’s much more and is one of my favorite types of matches to watch people work when it’s done right.
Match rating - ***
After the match, H cuts another angry promo about how the WWF Universe needs him more than he needs them. Evolution is a mystery…….%%6%6
6) Goldberg (c) vs. Chris Jericho - World Heavyweight Championship Match
Once again, Jericho pulls a good match out of Goldberg. It’s almost shocking how well they work together and what Jericho is able to do for him. He sells and bumps well for him, paces things out in good sensible television wrasslin fashion. And yeah, it’s just good and easy on the eyes. Bischoff is at ringside as the special enforcer, but doesn’t really try to get involved until the end and when he does, Stone Cold runs down and puts a stop to it. Jackhammer to Jericho and Goldberg retains the title in his first defense on his first night as champion.
Match rating - **1/2
The show closes with Goldberg celebrating and shit. Snow & Coach try to say the troops in attendance are unhappy with this outcome, lmao.
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