October 9th, 2003
Hartford, Connecticut
WWE Champion: Kurt Angle (since 7/27/03)
WWE United States Champion: Eddie Guerrero (since 7/27/03)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Los Guerreros (since 9/18/03)
WWE Cruserweight Champion: Tajiri (since 9/25/03)
Before the opening package, we see replays of Vince challenging Steph to a match last week and body slamming her.
TONIGHT: John Cena vs. Kurt Angle in a RAP BATTLE
LINDA MCMAHON makes an unannounced appearance to start the show. She says the family has always been crazy but now seeing what Shane is doing to Kane on Raw and what Vince did to Steph last week.. things are only going to get worse and she wants to talk some sense into Stephanie and HERE COMES STEPH. Steph is fired up and before she can get many words out, Vince himself comes out. He’s accompanied by Sable. Shit gets heated and Sable kicks Linda in the stomach and she & Vince leave the ring.
Back from commercial, Rey Mysterio comes out to join the commentary team for the following match.
1) Tajiri vs. Ultimo Dragon
This is a non title match. Tajiri defends against Rey Mysterio at No Mercy in 10 days. Ultimo has a shit ton of fire pyro during his entrance and it’s sick as hell. Ultimo got the moonsault and stuff in before Tajiri cracks him with the buzzsaw for the win. Fun little bit while it lasted.
Match rating - **
Tajiri attacks Ultimo post match and Mysterio runs in and nails him with a 619 after making the save. Tajiri sells the hell out of it.
Backstage, Josh Matthews catches Stephanie McMahon. She says if Sable is gonna be Vince’s corner at No Mercy then her mom is gonna be in hers.
2) The Undertaker vs. Chuck Palumbo (w/ Nunzio & Johnny Stamboli)
Taker comes to the ring with a chain as his EQUALIZER. It felt like he was calling FBI out, but turns out it’s just a singles match between Mark and Chuck. Taker chokeslams Palumbo to win despite interference attempts galore. Brock Lesnar attacks immediately after the bell and the entire FBI jump Taker. Taker puts the chain to use and fights them all off. Lordy mercy. Johnny Stamboli even gets some color during this.
Backstage, Paul London is begging Mr. McMahon for a tryout match. He obliges and it’s against BROCK LESNAR. Good grief.
Meanwhile, Big Show thinks some guy is thinking he’s trying to eat his food because he’s standing near him so he kinda loses his mind and heads to the ring.
Cameras catch Zach Gowan coming into the building and he’s greeted lovingly by Earl Hebner and other staff in catering. It’s the first time we’ve seen him since Brock damn near killed him.
3) The Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan
Last week, Big Show lost to OJ because he needed to shit thanks to Eddie Guerrero poisoning his food. Show gets revenge here and kinda basically murders the future member of JBL’s cabinet. He challenges Eddie for the US Title at No Mercy.
Backstage, Josh Mathews (who still has me blocked on Twitter), is interviewing the United States Champion himself, Eddie Guerrero. Show walks up and destroys him and slams him through the set. Truly hilarious. All over some tainted burritos last week.
It’s time for the Rap Battle. John Cena gets to go first. This is hosted by Taz. This is a segment that has been replayed a lot in Cena documentaries so it’s pretty much a classic. Or vintage as Mikey Coke would say. Angle retaliates and ends it with “I didn’t come here to rap, I came to fight” and smashes Cena with a great clothesline. Absolutely phenomenal brawl here.
Great punches from both. Great selling. Good good shit. You can see why this was a breakout segment from Cena. Cena escapes after eating some suplexes and narrowly escaping the ankle lock.
4) Zach Gowan vs. Shannon Moore
Matt Hardy is on commentary and continues insisting Moore is at a disadvantage because people only like Zach because he’s a one-legged athlete lmao. Regardless of this, Moore wins only because of interference by Hardy. I guess we are getting a Hardy/Gowan feud up next.
5) Chris Benoit, Bradshaw, & Farooq vs. A-Train & The Bashams
The Bashams attack Bradshaw & Farooq during their entrance and Farooq ends up getting hauled to the back after a nasty chair shot. Bradshaw fights from underneath against the rudos due to the numbers and their control of the ring. Eventually he gets the hot tag to Benoit which fucking ROCKS. He clears house and taps out one of the Basham’s but the ref don’t see it and A-Train hits his finisher to get the W.
Match rating - **3/4
6) Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Paul London - WWE Championship Match
Brock tries to lure London in the ring to touch his belt before the match. Paul is hesitant and Brock yells “you gonna touch the damn thing or just stare at it?” then hits a lariat on London that turns him inside out. Bell rings and Lesnar makes short work of London.
Match rating - **
After the match, Brock continues assaulting London so Brian Kendrick aka SPANKY runs down to try to save, but gets destroyed too. Undertaker comes down and tells Brock to chill and that there’s a change to their Survivor Series match… it’s now a Biker Chain Match.
They replay the Eddie/Big Show shit from earlier. Eddie is currently in the trainers room. Josh Mathews walks up to the door to try to catch an interview and Eddie’s tag team title holdin partner Chavo Guerrero comes out and says they’re gonna get even.
Back from commercial, Chavo Guerrero is in the ring calling Big Show out. He acts like he wants a match only to just get counted out, but turns out he was just trying to trick Big Show to get in the ring because Eddie shows up with a sewer truck and tries to spray Show. Show runs off, but trips over a damn power cable and Eddie sprays him all over with brown sewage and apparently it smells like shit. Show bumps and sells like a maniac for the shit too, it’s hilarious. Everyone in the crowd is covering their noses and as Show falls in the shit one last time and is dripping wet and crying, they start PLAYKNG THIS FUCKERS MUSIC TO CLOSE THE SHOW LMAOOOO.
No comments:
Post a Comment