October 2nd, 2003
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
WWE United States Champion: Eddie Guerrero (since 7/27/03)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Los Guerreros (since 9/18/03)
WWE Cruserweight Champion: Tajiri (since 9/25/03)
Commentators: Michael Cole & Tazz
TONIGHT: Taker/Angle vs. Brock/Cena .. LETS FUCKING GO
1) Eddie Guerrero (c) (w/ Chavo Guerrero) vs. Matt Hardy (w/ Shannon Moore) - United States Championship Match
More great Eddie work here. Not to discount Matt, though because he’s fantastic around this time, too. Eddie has just been killing it in these last few weeks and months. Eddie’s ribs come into play naturally here. Matt hits a nasty powerbomb on him and hangs him stomach first on the ropes. Just a lot of good shit. Eddie makes his comeback. Hardy tries to cheat, so the Guerrero’s do their thing and do it back and Eddie hits the frog splash off a belt shot to retain!
Match rating - ***
WRESTLEMANIA XX TIX WENT ON SALE and they got clips of people buying them and shit at the venue to hype it up even though we are like 6 months away.
Josh Mathews catches John Cena walking into the arena earlier tonight. Josh says Cena had some dope rhymes last week and Cena gives him some more shitting on Kurt Angle ahead of their tag match tonight.
Backstage, Eddie & Chavo are celebrating and talking. They walk up on The Big Show. Show says he doesn’t like them or “they’re kind” and yeah this gets racist as fuck. Show tosses them to the ground, laughs and walks away.
Back from commercial, Eddie is furious and pushes Chavo up against the wall and says he’s gonna take care of this Big Show shit.
2) Bradshaw & Ron Simmons vs. The Basham Brothers (w/ Shanequa)
Bradshaw & Simmons get screwed out of the victory here because apparently the Basham’s are worthy of squashing the APA. Good freaking lord buddy.
3) Chris Benoit vs. Charlie Haas
A-Train joins commentary for this. He faces Chris Benoit at No Mercy. Last week, he attacked Benoit and left him laying. He’s been frustrated because everyone thinks he can’t beat Benoit. He is awkward as fuck on commentary. Benoit & Haas start working on the mat and Haas holds his own, but Benoit largely dominates. Haas dumps Benoit on his head with a belly to belly and it’s ROUGH. Benoit somehow recovers and catches Haas in the cross face after, but A-Train attacks him and causes a disqualification. Train stands tall over Benoit again this week to close the segment.
Match rating - **1/2
Mr. McMahon and Sabke come to the ring. McMahon says Stephanie forced him to make the match between them for No Mercy by defying him. Stephanie comes out and refuses to change the match so Vince says he’s gonna have to strike down his own daughter and leave her in a bloody pulp. He about blows a gasket yelling all kinds of shit along those lines. Sable chimes in and tries to calm him down and reminds Stephanie of what she is.. a disrespectful bitch. Steph tells Sable to go do what she’s best at and go lay on her back in the men’s locker room. Sable slaps her and they start fighting. Vince pulls Steph off and bodyslams her. Undertaker runs down for the save, Brock runs in, but Taker still stands tall.
Backstage, Big Show gets a burrito delivered. He spits in the second one and tells the guy to go take it to Eddie Guerrero, lmao.
4) Tajiri (c) vs. Billy Kidman - WWE Cruserweight Championship Match
This was actually a pretty good little sprint and first title defense for Tajiri. Sometimes Kidman matches are messy, but this was solid and straightforward with Tajiri making it what it is. Tajiri wins off the buzzsaw kick. He definitely deserved this title run.
Match rating - **3/4
5) The Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan
The Big Show comes down to the ring holding his stomach. I guess Eddie pulled a trick on him too and put something in those burritos that were brought to him earlier. So basically, Big Show has an episode of champion’s disease. This causes him to get disqualified and Orlando Jordan wins. Good god.
Michael Cole & Tazz have Zach Gowen here live from satellite when we return from commercial. Gowen says wrestling is for him and he’s here to stay despite what everyone says and he will return next week for a match.
Backstage, The Big Show is shitting his brains out in a bathroom stall with some horribly edited shit & fart noises. Eddie Guerrero comes in to make fun of him and also reveal that the stall he’s in has no toilet paper. This was a god damn mess.
6) Kurt Angle & The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar & John Cena
John Cena is out first with a rap. He says it’s time to break through cause every time you see him, it should be a PPV. And some other problematic cringy shit. He shouts out Big Show’s diarrhea tho so go off I guess.
Back from commercial and “well, here comes the pain.” -Tazz
This match rocks. Brock & Cena isolate Kurt and do it well. Cena is in a lot getting those reps in. He hangs well with everyone, though. He & Brock cut off the ring. This all builds to The Undertaker hot tag. He cleans house and it almost looks like things are gonna end, but thankfully they go into an awesome finishing run. Angle gets back in and hits all his shit. Cena eats three germans and grabs his chain. Brock & Taker start brawling and Cena uses this distraction to nail Kurt with the chain and get the three count.
Match rating - ***1/2
After the match, the action continues between Taker & Brock and Taker chokeslams Lesnar through the announce table to close the show. They face off in a few weeks at No Mercy with Taker challenging Brock for the WWE Chamoionship. Awesome visual to end the show on.
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